what drives u most.

you know how we always spend a large portion of our lives making sure we make the right choices, n subsequently convincing ourselves that we did?
no matter how meticulous, very soon it still becomes seemingly inevitable - making mistakes then regretting doing so. it becomes a norm, almost like a habit we're unable to break, an addiction we're unable to kick.
we're making mistakes, (repeated ones or not) we're screwing up.

for me, right there and then i'd imagine myself standing alone in a crowded room with the walls closing in, the world caving in.

many times we'd wish our lives could have just been done in pencil - then we'd have an eraser to rub away all our regrets n faults. or that it had all just been on computer, with an "undo" button, or a ctrl+z, backspace, ctrl+alt+delete. maybe a wii, where wii'll "save game" at the perfect moments, then return to "load game" if wii happen to fault again. even a psp would do fine..."restart"!

subconsciously we all have been desperately searching for this function essential to our lives.
and i've found it. God offers us a clean sheet.
i am starting anew today. are you?

eye 
      one 
          2  b
                    yore 
                                  see tee of 
                        refuge 
                                                               so badly.
but i am seemingly an invisible inexistence

so this is the end of my off days, and the beginning to another phase of army.

been spending the past few days pretty well, meeting the girl and many old friends at nus hall and chatting online for the first time since a few months ago.
i have also partially immersed myself into the uni life, becoming possibly a 1/4 temasekian. (if that's what they call them who stay at temasek hall..)

it isn't what we all thought.. hope you all hang in there. 
it's supposed to be the peak of our lives - jc, ns, uni.
just live the moment, live in the present, grasp every second before it slips by, we have just one life. live this out. 

i realise i am in no position to give any advice, not that i have any, so i shall attempt to lighten up the mood..

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long" answered the Mexican.

"Why then didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was adequate to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs... I enjoy a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can HELP you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then SELL the extra fish you catch.”

 

“But what would that gain me?”

 

“Well, with the extra money, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your OWN plant.”

 

“But what would I do then?” The Mexican asked once more.

 

“You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your HUGE enterprise!"

"And after that?"

"Afterwards! That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really! And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take siesta with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing your guitar and enjoying life with your friends."

 

“But, that’s exactly what I’m doing now..”

 

it's getting a little scary, or u may say i'm insecure.

it's scary how at a single point in life we could safely say our paths had crossed, and therefore we were interdependent on each other. the presence of you in my life was so significant, i couldn't have imagined going through this phase without you, and you would be thinking the same. one of us had to put his/her hand into the center of our circle of friends, and we'd all pile up for a big cheer.
it's scary. because it only lasted for a phase.
friends forever? this is the time where we are still standing in a circle, but with our backs facing each other. we're heading our separate directions. we're moving on. gradually, my life wouldn't rely on yours, vice versa. have our paths intersected only to diverge again?

it's happening. the ns boys' battle against time and uni boys for his uni girl. who spends more time, who wins.

in case this happens to all of us.. we should all put more effort into our friendships, and relationships.
this is my gift, this is my curse. i am an officer cadet.

hey, thanks for being mine.

My ears grow especially sensitive to a particular pitch. I become a soundaholic, but only with regards to this specific, acquired tone. It's addictive. On the bad days, I don't hear it. I become easily irritable, an invisible force pushing my feet to pace continously, butterflies in my tummy, worm crawling vigorously in my bloodstream. On the good days, I get to hear it, and I never fail to feel relieved, and happy, like I had previously drank a million cups of water, took an uber long bus ride, and finally got off to release my bladder of the stress.

It's your voice. It isn't just a little soundtrack to my summer, it's the entire music and script of my musical.

"My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer. "

Dedicated to Desmond, Reuben, Matthew and Novabelle. Hope you guys don't mind.

It had been a year since we were playing together as a band, and since we made it into the finals last year, we were pretty unsure if we wanted to do it again this time. We all had grown in a year, puberty had stopped though, but we began to learn things about human dynamics, emotions, relationships... Our band had changed - one in one out (if you had previously known Yane), and upgraded with a new name: Paper Pavement (see previous posts for elaboration). So okay, with Nono in now, on top of the Student's Council already having known us from last year, we thought we might stand a chance of winning this time.

Kinda got a "wildcard" audition to enter the finals this time, cause Matt's concert band trip and the rest's choir trip had overlapped into the auidtioning dates, so all we did is to send in a video of us playing Stars by Switchfoot. (Don't spread this ya, sensitive.) But having entered, we soon realised that no one else had their names in for two categories at once, no one else but Nono. So SC called, was brought up to quite 'up there', so much so that Mr Big C knew about it. The whole point of not having anyone participating in two categories this year was to allow maximum opportunities to be opened to those who weren't in the cultural societies (choir, band, guitar ensemble..). The problem was that this rule wasn't present last year, and while imposing it during the selection of the finalists, they had made sure nobody was in both the vocal group and the vocal solo, but they had overlooked cross -referencing with those in the band category, till we found out - Novabelle was the oddball.

Since Novabelle's vocal group had only 3 members, it was pretty obvious who needed her more, so we were kinda forced to let her go, or we, as a band would have to go too (which was kinda unlikely cause they had already announced us.) Was a big struggle, until, yours truly came up with a 'brilliant' plan. We would play two songs, between them we would slot in an instrumental, and this was where it would all begin. Desmond would jump off stage, in pretense of getting some crowd participation, he would make his way all the way to the back of the audi, where Novabelle would be waiting after her own performance was over. He'll grab her by the hand and drag her on stage to finish off the second song with her on the keyboard, all in the name of crowd participation.
For a long time during rehearsals, we'd always place an empty piano and an extra mic in our stage proposal, we didn't think it would've been suspicious since Desmond did try to cover up by playing a few notes during the intro. But well, they found out, and warned us on the day of the finals itself - either we do it without her, or we don't do it at all. So much for jo's brillant plan huh. Why so serious? Cause we'd have to answer to Big Mr C. We played with the thought of pulling out for a moment, even got a bit teary there, until Desmond said we should just go on, and he'll just jump off stage to hug Nono at the end.

We were all in for it, our chances of winning now slim because we banked our second song The Middle by Jimmy Eat World on her. Finished as runner-ups, won havannias slippers vouchers (to us better than the num bags given to the winners =P), once again had learnt so much more about friendships, and were contented enough. Back to hitting the books.

I won't forget you guys.

Not sure if this jogs some of your memories... Days back at vj (excluding the first year) were full of 'misery', or at least to me they were. I recall watching Phelps on tv, cheering for him whilst I declared myself just another one of them - one with Attention Deficit Disorder. Ass couldn't stay still for long, brain couldn't catch any ball, fingers couldn't stop spinning pencils. I remember at times, I had looked back, and wished that I were back in vs. Soon enough, A's were all over, and I was relieved.

Then it was BMT, the sudden load burdened upon every part of our bodies. Insanely stuffy helmets, stiff boots, restrictive LBVs, incredibly packed schedules. So I looked back, and thought to myself, I wish I were back in vj.
Subsequently there came service term in OCS. Even worse schedules, even heavier loads, so much more thinking and multitasking to do. I looked back, and thought to myself, I wish I were back in Tekong.

Now, pro term. Signals Institute. On top of our heavy fieldpacks, we've got our signal sets. New and upgraded, previously platoon level, now battalion level planning. Back to the days of mugging. Now, I look back, and think to myself, I wish I were back in SAFTI.

Okay, so now I think I'm in 'hell', yet I'm pretty sure by the time I get out of here, I might be thinking to myself, "that was heaven". I seem to be complaining all my life, and wishing I was some place else.. Like the young kid who wishes to grow up quickly, and the elder who wishes to be forever young. Truth is, wherever we are, we've always got something to complain about, nobody gets the best of everything, nobody's satisfied. There's no point in deciding between muslim or non-muslim food at the cookhouse anymore, we'd always look at the other and whine.

I resolve to be contented with where I am now, to stop complaining, and to always tell myself the grass is still pretty green on my side.
I just need to know that You are more than enough, You are my portion and You are all I need.

Ok so I've concluded this world makes people work in two main ways.
One: Motivation.
Two: Fear.

See, in our society, we motivate people to be courteous by placing little replicas of PCKs and Rosys all around. Then, we also grab them by fear, the fear of getting fined. The two methods are used everywhere - our army, the coporate world, the education system..

Honestly I would largely prefer a world which doesn't operate by fear. I know it's near impossible, but just imagine, everyone motivated by something. Rabbits running towards the carrot hanging from the stick stuck to their backs, instead of rabbits running away from the tiger.

So if you don't have a certain motivation to keep you going by now, you can try calling:
or drop a mail to:

there has to be something wrong with me.

my mind becomes a lopsided chat log of a conversation involving just you and i. while, you, yes you, don't even have an account.

i record minute things that i want to say to you, just as old pals have unlimited things to say to each other the moment they meet.
i begin to process every thought, filtering out what is important for you to know and what's not. soon enough, i find the filter's presence equating to it's inexistence -- mainly because i want you to know every single thing about me, down to every detail. there is nothing small/insignificant enough to be caught in the 'filter'.

my thoughts pile up.
this little chat log of mine increases in size till it can burst, waiting in a constant hope for the moment i see you, when we could just plug in usb cables, and start transferring our daily lives over, down to every mini-milli-bite(KB is it?).

then my path of vision finds itself intersecting with any single part of your body, where it stares blankly for more than a split second. before my eyes begin to screen the rest of you, as if observing for any abnormalities, desperately trying to profile you to my best knowledge. maybe this time, you're actually contented with your current self, maybe you never will be.

and after all this effort, you turn back to return a glance at me. this is where, my chat log bursts into space. my mind is left with nothing but space, empty blanks, from hero to zero. call history erased with no draft saved.

you turn around, pick up your bag and leave to find someone you never needed to record a chat log with.
i wish your account existed in my world.

I was proning with my section (you guys are great), waiting for a possible enemy to ambush.

Flies were chasing around my helmet, using it as their coconut tree in their very own imaginary bollywood movie. Unfortunately or not, I even caught them mating on a branch nearby. Looks like army boys aren't the only deprived ones huh.

So ten days of section fieldcamp's over, and slowly but finally everyone began to unveil and stand stark naked in front of each other. Attitudes on the field take a 180 turn from what they usually are back in camp. See people buckling under pressure, becoming self-centered due to fatigue, or just totally stop functioning due to a lack of sleep; when back in camp, with our comfy bunks less than half a mile away, they become the perfect officer cadet.

This OCS journey, to me is purely mental. We all have our ups and downs, but when I'm down, someone out there will always happen to be up. When I am weak, You are strong. We begin to learn who we can depend on, who we can't. If one were to ask "in times of trouble, who would be the most likely to come and solve the situation?" I hope I'd be the name that appears in your mind.
This is your life, are you who you want to be? I want to be the best I can be. (Thanks for that Meng Yong.)

Okay, I would now like to apologize to those who aren't in army but have always been bearing with our excessive talks. Esp people like Felix Hadi, Chew Chia Weei, and obviously all girls. We don't mean to leave you out, the next time we do, just be frank with us ya? Frankly, army takes up 24hours in 6 days of our week, so I'm not really sure what else is more real in our lives. With that said, I'm sure we can always find a compromise between army boys and you all yes? :)

Happy Birthday Jing Cheng, Big apologies to Chia Weei, and to the rest, keep contacted (haha, pun) and God bless in everything you're heading on to do. :) Will be collecting more worthy thoughts when time becomes my friend again.

here it goes again
ok! go.

Half of me really meant that. My dad is definitely better than your dad. The other half, knows that it cannot be true.

Not because I'm not confident about my dad, but more because I've concluded that there is no real way to measure a man.

We've always been trying to though. Meritocracy, where everyone's awarded based on demonstrated talent and ability (merit). That's what we live in, a life where we struggle to show how good we are - mothers comparing their kids grades, kids themselves writing scholarship essays explaining how they can be the perfect student, others using other talents as a stepping stone to getting into desired schools.. Even in army, recruits are all rated accordingly - IPPT , situational test, range, peer appraisal, commanders' appraisal, SOC.. Looks like we can't escape from this system. Sure, it may be fair, wave goodbye to nepotism!

But honestly all this is making us do is live to build up a portfolio which doesn't follow us in death. When it comes to now, securing a job, a dream course, maybe this whole profile thingy that we've been working on since we were born would allow us to be rated, compared and help making decisions on who should attain any position in this society easier.
But when we all grow old, fat and wrinkly, maybe we'd all realize no matter how impressive our profiles could've been, the real question isn't really how successful we were (which btw success is subjective), but how much of our lives were put to good use. Did we entirely use the little talents that God gave us for the good of others and Him, even if the talents were just 2? Did we love our neighbours as ourselves? Did we live to allow others to lead full, satisfying lives, or was it all about ourselves getting the money, comfort, wealth and social status? Okay, I just realized I was in another attempt to measure a man with these questions.

All I'm trying to put across is that there isn't any way anyone in this world can put a grade upon you and say you're less than an alpha male/female. So don't let anyone do that to you. Nobody can judge you just by looking at your A's results, your CCA records, what you wear, your fitness level, or even how popular/unpopular you are. We're all built to be a alpha male/female in our own ways yes?
See, in the end we all stand on level ground - sinners.

But hey, to be pratical, (especially important in a society like ours) don't listen to my ramble and go work on that profile of yours because afterall it's one of the few ways other humans would TRY to rate you. Just don't give up on yourself if your profile doesn't seem impressive.

Oh, sidenote: even if I had a choice to whom were to be my dad, it would still be and always will be the one I have now. (:

Okay, still unable to decide what course to apply for and awaiting my unit posting results,
-private leong.

mrs mah (chem tutor) : how? happy with your results? i remember urs very good leh.
me : really? you remember my grades? wow..
mrs mah : of course! my favourite student eh..
me : haha, awww.. i owe this to you la, couldn't have gotten all this if not for your guidance..
mrs mah : aiya.. don't say that la.. you also skip so many of my remedials!

shall upadate more during block leave. (:

how things have changed:

1. 'nicer' haircut than what i had before..


2. new buddies at the price of friends i had before.. )))':

3. social life = million time negative

4. spiritual life: oh my santa claus.

5. change in priorities:

like how you guys become so much more impt,



and how weekends become so much more precious.

6. feeling hotter, thirstier, itchier, tireder.
( this week i put cadbury bars in the same ziplock as my AA duracells. they worked for me similar to how batteries worked for machines.)

7. severe lack of music!

just needed to let you know, even though we're not talking as often as we did before, nothing changes. me and you, we're still us, nothing's different. i still feel u, i hope you still feel me.

My reflection, he who looks exactly like me, yet is different because he doesn't really exist. He isn't living, but mostly appears to be alive, as if he's shouting aloud, frantically pointing at himself to catch my attention so I'll take long hard looks at who I really am. The real reason is not so I can adjust my hair, count my pimples, put my specs in place, but to point out the imperfections in me.

Back from egypt!
Had a good time, also thought about a few things..

For one, we were sometimes victims of racism. (someetimes only la.)
Sometimes we got a little frustrated with a few racists we met at posh hotels, other times we recognized that ourselves were no better than them, racist and sinful. We've had Westerners staring at us like we don't belong in such an expensive tourist area, yet we've also complained how noisy the China businessmen could be in the early hours of the morning, raising their voices in a usual conversation at a life lobby.

Fact is, we are all smth-ist. I mean, we are all _____ist. We all favour a  certain group of people over another.
For one, we might all be looks-ists. Like if someone had a weird scar on his face, I'm pretty sure he'd get a million stares in the mrt. What about fat-ist? It's almost becoming a trend for girls my age to say smth like "I think I'm fat, I don't wanna be fat. Fat=ugly, or lazy, or smth. It's just bad to be fat." Have you seen how some of us treat fat people? Have you seen them as only human, alone, and ostracised? Myself is guilty of making fun of fat people. "Your mama so fat.."
Racist.
Status-ist.
Sexist. Feminist. Age-ist..

I've also thought about how sometimes I (or, we) could be so picky towards how others conduct themselves. When more importantly, I couldn't live up to the standards I had set up for others. Like how I detest how insensitive my mom can get, when I am gulity of being insensitive myself. Or like how I can accuse others of being such a gossip, when I am just as willing to poke my nose into everyone else's life. More so, how I can tell my mom to treat the sales person better, while I treat my maid as if making mistakes isn't a usual human trait. I have found that I am only a sinner, one who is judgemental about others, but not yet about himself.

Matthew 7. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'let be take the speck out of your eye', when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank in your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers' eye."

I have learnt to shut up more often now. To not be too critical about how others lead their lives, and to first, check my own. 
(If you see me looking into the mirror, you know what I'm doing.)

I'd largely prefer the absence of sound in the presence of company,
than the absence of company in the presence of noise.

Also since we have enjoyed interacting with locals and other tourists back in egypt so much, I am convinced we can enjoy doing the same thing here in Singapore. Make friends on the streets, we're 18, no more "No talking to strangers" from Mom. After all, we are all similar, yet different. We all stand on level ground, all imperfect, only the paths we choose are different. Let's try the road to perfection.

Oh, and I also picked up a scary yet real fact 101: 'Nobody in this world is entirely honest with another.'

Everything starts from you. First be honest with yourself. First check your own life. Be the first to love in a unloving community. How motivational.

Youth camp, here we come.

ps. search on adolescent egocentrism if you have the time.

hello livejournal,

my last post was summing up to say that if we'd all be honest with each other, we'd eventually be able to understand all else who were honest.

that's exactly it. mugging has been a hell of a tough time for most of us. the fact that we had each other to depend on, was the only good thing about it. after every trial we endure together, we get more bonded mainly cause we've been stripped of our masks.

with A's over, it might not exactly be a good thing. it also means we won't be seeing some people as often as we did before. no more late night mugging in school, no more biking to the toilet and back, trips to 7-11 in hunger, no more late night phone calls just to check some questions, no more smses to tell us to keep hanging in there and what time to report and where, no more car rides with car-ride-buddy.. but it also means more time for the people you choose to be with. it's all up to us if we wanna keep in contact.

that's where livejournal, regular church services, band practises, soccer match telecasts, and everything else that serve as mediums to keep us together with a low amount of effort to be put in come into play.

i'm happy it's finally over, but more because i've learnt things from it, and experienced an experience with others.

sidenote: i read this on a dubai tourist's reference book:

"traffic accidents kill one every 3 minutes.. 
   be sure to drive in intervals of 2mins45s."


anyhow, this is only a portion of my thoughts after and during the exams. many are stil processing due to the long period of not penning them down. just thought i'd drop by before i left till friday and fly off again on saturday night. then i won't be back till 11th. so this is it. i'll be back. just stay faithful to the mediums that keep us together, and put more effort to friendships which exist without such mediums. (: 

time passes,
people change,
the environment degrades,
friends and memories last forever.

you could actually insert any line to substitute the third. like "natural selection occurs". or  "acquaintances come and go" .

see you
will be back livejournal.

This is gonna be my last post before i hand my com to mum for safekeeping till A's.

Ever since odac activities had stopped along with the call for a sharp dip in involvements in church,social and sporting life, i could start to say that blog reading/hopping has become a hobby for me.

I get different feelings from reading each one. Most of the time i end up both happy and sad for the same person and more often than not, i learn alot of things from blogs. Very soon i had come to the conclusion that we are all different, yet the same. I'm saying that maybe, just maybe, our inner beings all stand on a common ground. We post similar things. If our blogs aren't a celebration of our individual lives accompanied with a million photos (i have mixed feelings for such pple behind these blogs), it would be a thorough daily account, if it's neither of them, it'd most probably be filled with our reflections (which don't go very far either). Topics that frequently appear on our posts, or even meaningful song lyrics for this matter, are that which are more than familiar to most of us. Stuff like friends, bgr, stress, work, faith, experiences, fashion, enemies even, different values learnt..we'd never deviate much apart from that.

All this amounting to say that deep beneath, all of us, yes all, we experience almost all of the same feelings. Deep down there we all have a common longing for company, a longing to be loved; we are all in a constant search for a possible smth more to our lives, and in a common question about this emptiness "present" within each of our souls which, of course, could only be filled by..(you'd probably be able to guess what i'm gonna say here, so for the sake of those who'd rather not, we'll leave it for next time.) So, just maybe if we'd all just come clean, let our inner beings speak, we'd all just connect naturally, like we belonged together in the first place (which might be true). Same boat, same throat. Same cart, same heart.

To me the difference lies in how we express ourselves. Our likes and dislikes, tastes and preferences, the choices we make, all constitute to who we are beneath. I have also realized that we all get excited over different things: for some get excited in front of a camera, others a computer game, another comes alive in sports, some rock to rock, others pop to pop, the rest move to the music..Just like dad said, just as no single tree is identical, neither are we. One man's trash is another man's treasure, no doubt.

I'm just saying, we were meant to possess different qualities, yet be united. In one body, rooted to one primary cause. 

Sometimes, i can understand what you're experiencing, i had been there, done that. Other times, you can understand what i'm thinking, how i'm feeling. I depend on you, while i too support/encourage/motivate you. We pull each other up when either falls.

We were all meant to be together, though we might all have different interests and get excited over different things.


A loser can win. All the way ok everybody? Hang in there and we'll get there. Together. Just as we were always meant to be.

Cyclone's birthday present for me has been hanging on my wardrobe for about 3 months now. (can't thank you guys enough.)
They had fulfilled my dream of having a physical music library, every song represented by a disposable ipod. Knowing that music can change how we feel, my intention was to make everyone's day by selecting the appropriate song and giving it to them. They made 80 "ipod"s, with each screen being a photo with me in it, and each having bodies with designs of their own. 


Then it struck me. Songs not only somewhat lifts our spirits, but exactly like how the screens of every 'ipod' were a different photo, with each song came a memory. Of course, memories and experiences are no less than what they are. They cannot be captured in any form - journal entries, photographs, personal testimonies, drawings, figures, souvenirs, even songs. Revisiting the memories in those forms wouldn't guarantee you the same things you felt when you were actually experiencing it for yourself. Nevertheless, listening to songs that were stuck in our minds during primary school would always remind you of those times. Some songs remind you of specific people, others remind you of a specific phase in your life, and then, there are those songs which do nothing. 

Phases. If I had a things-i-hate-the-most list, it'd definitely make top 20. Mainly because each time I exit one and enter another, I look back and reflect upon what I have been before, and I find who I am hates who I've been. We all live in phases. One time we think dressing down is the thing, few weeks later we're so into realizing our dreams of being a rock star, another few months and we might be into a certain band. Ashamed to say, I've been through many phreacky phases, I've had the boiz-roooz, the emo=cool, the i'm-the-greatest-everyone-loves-me, even the i-shall-have-to-put-on-an-act-so-i'll-be-loved-and-known... Really hope I've grown out of those. I have no idea what I'm in now, I doubt it's one of those dare-to-be-different kinds, but trust me, I sure am afraid that one day I turn back and find myself a total dick.
You can say that maybe our spiritual life works in phases too. It's quite a feat if we can remain faithful throughout our lives. Personally I choose not to believe our relationship with God is somewhat a phase thing, it should be a constant we have in life. God, I hope I can live up to that.

From the words of Joel Leong,
"the best way to conquer phases, is to embrace them."
(Ok, I might have re-phrased it, I don't have very good memory.)

I figure at least we grow from them. Saying who I am hates who I've been isn't such a easy thing, especially if we didn't have phases. For now, I've just been through one of those times I screw up my digestive system and body clock for exams (not a very wise thing to do) and looking forward to a all-you-need-to-give-is-all-you-have--to give phase. Both for academic and spritual pursuits.
Face the phase.

To you who are thinking of how much of a dick you've been, it's never too late to stop screwing up.
To everyone else, keep to the things we know we won't regret in future.